Why am I such a masochist? I never seem to learn from the past and apparently I love to torture myself with false hope. I already know what the outcome is going to be, yet I can’t help feel the way I feel. What makes matters worse is that I won’t do anything about it. I’ll put my feelings aside and do what I can to see the other person happy. I keep waiting for my feelings to change so that I can be happy too but it’s taking too damn long. I hate how pathetic it makes me seem. Maybe if I just keep trying to put things in perspective my heart will catch up to my brain. For now I suppose its just going to have to be one step at a time. I will move on eventually, till then I just got to keep a smile on my face and be the person that I am.
It’s so scary and sad how one decision can have a huge effect on the rest of your life. My heart goes out to those who made one mistake and now their life is complete changed forever. Never give up, keep living life to the fullest and be the best person you can be. God Bless everyone.
I may be guarded, I may scared but when I love…..I love hard. I protect who and what I care about and I let it be known. The End.
Just when you think you’ve figured something out, life throws another curve ball at you. It’s true what they say about life always surprising. Maybe there isn’t black or white…maybe there’s shades of gray. That’s where I keep finding myself. Maybe there’s not just one straight answer, just like there’s not one side of person. There’s so much dept to people and sometimes I forget that it’s there, just beneath the surface. I wonder what’s next. What’s waiting around the corner?
I absolutely hate it when you have to side with one friend over the other. Life is so tricky and so is friendship. I can only hope that despite our differences, anger, stupidity and hurt feeling, we can still remain the great friends we are. I love our little family.
The head vs. the heart
I hate how he still has an effect on me. I can say I don’t care all I want but in the end everything he does and doesn’t do still really upsets me. It’s not romantic feelings that are causing me to feel this way, I just wish he was a better friend to me like I thought he was. Saying you care about someone (as friends) means nothing if you don’t act like it. It’s people like him that make me question the sincerity of other real friends which isn’t fair to them. One step at a time I suppose.
Sometimes….
Some people are just not worth the energy. Some people are just not worth the friendship. Sometimes you have to take that big step in order to get peace in your life that you’ve been lacking for some time. Sometimes the word “Goodbye” is the best word you can say. Sometimes……it’s just time.
I think I’m developing a bad cooping method regarding cheaters (all parties involved). I become so infuriated that two mentally capable individuals can’t seem to think things through before acting with their dicks and vaginas. “He’s a fucking asshole and she a fucking bitch” are the first things that pop into my head when I see or hear of cheating taking place. The only difference between me and everyone else who thinks it is that I become so enraged to the point where if I didn’t know how to control myself, I’d probably do some physical damage. I wish I could talk all this out with someone but, I feel like they wouldn’t understand….that and maybe I’m a bit ashamed. And so another day begins.
I was looking at some of the songs I wrote a few months ago. I have to say, they’re not that bad. I mean they’re not great or award winning but still, not bad. I’ve been thinking of maybe taking a poetry class but to be honest, poetry was never my strong subject in high school. I couldn’t understand why they just didn’t say what they meant instead of complicating things by speaking in riddles. Or maybe I should take some kind of writing class for music. I really want to get better at this cause right now, this is the only way I can actually express myself. There’s so much to consider in these next few months and not enough time to do so. Hopefully I can be proactive and get everything I have set in my mind done in time with out me loosing my mind due to stress.
