January 2012
3 posts
I absolutely hate it when you have to side with one friend over the other. Life is so tricky and so is friendship. I can only hope that despite our differences, anger, stupidity and hurt feeling, we can still remain the great friends we are. I love our little family.
The head vs. the heart
I hate how he still has an effect on me. I can say I don’t care all I want but in the end everything he does and doesn’t do still really upsets me. It’s not romantic feelings that are causing me to feel this way, I just wish he was a better friend to me like I thought he was. Saying you care about someone (as friends) means nothing if you don’t act like it. It’s...
Sometimes....
Some people are just not worth the energy. Some people are just not worth the friendship. Sometimes you have to take that big step in order to get peace in your life that you’ve been lacking for some time. Sometimes the word “Goodbye” is the best word you can say. Sometimes……it’s just time.
December 2011
2 posts
I think I’m developing a bad cooping method regarding cheaters (all parties involved). I become so infuriated that two mentally capable individuals can’t seem to think things through before acting with their dicks and vaginas. “He’s a fucking asshole and she a fucking bitch” are the first things that pop into my head when I see or hear of cheating taking place. The...
I was looking at some of the songs I wrote a few months ago. I have to say, they’re not that bad. I mean they’re not great or award winning but still, not bad. I’ve been thinking of maybe taking a poetry class but to be honest, poetry was never my strong subject in high school. I couldn’t understand why they just didn’t say what they meant instead of complicating...
November 2011
2 posts
I seriously need to start dating. It’s just hard when there’s absolutely NO one you’re attracted to. Most of the guys I know are pretty cool but as far as any sparks, its just meh. I would love to go out and meet someone if my life didn’t pathetically revolve around school and work. This winter break will be dedicated to Me Time :). Seriously, I live in LA now. You’d...
October 2011
2 posts
I seem to have found a really great friendship with this guy that I’ve known for a little over a year. It’s actually pretty fucking surprising. Not that he’s a bad guy or whatever and we’ve always been cool but we just seem kinda closer this year. He’s turning into one of my really good friends which is really nice to have considering all my close friends and best...
Season of Change
I’m really tired of being trapped doing and feeling the same ol’thing, being in the same ol’situation. Enough is enough! I can’t keep doing this to myself. How else am I suppose to grow and meet new people, experience new things if i keep reverting back to the past every fucking 5 minutes? It’s time for change, and just as the season is about to change so should I....
September 2011
1 post
I wrote a song today. Something I haven’t done is a very long time. I think I have writer’s block because I’m so cut off from my emotions, because I don’t want to deal with or feel everything that I know is going on inside. But today I wrote a song and it was amazing how incredibly easy it was. I heard the music in my head and the words just came flying out. It started with...
August 2011
2 posts
So I’m in my last year of college and the saddest thing about that is I still have that dooming question, “What am I gonna do with my life?” hanging over me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love what I’m majoring in but what am I gonna do with it? The most traditional thing would be to teach but I don’t know if that’s what I want to do. Then there’s all...
So ever since I came back home for the summer, things have been pretty good and I’m really happy with the decision I made. However, I’m still confused about everything. Confused about how I feel, what I’m gonna do and whether or not I should stay in LA for the long hall. I keep waiting for something great to happen to me whether it be love, opportunity or clarity. I’m not...
July 2011
2 posts
There’s been lots of stuff going on in my life and some are far from over. I’ve been having a hard time dealing with them and trying to decide what to do. Recently I made a pretty tough decision that will make next year a bit more difficult for me in the long run, but I feel like this is what I’m suppose to do. Although I’m bummed that I couldn’t finish what I...
Fuh-K
So I seemed to have screwed myself over big time. About a month ago I kissed a friend (who was actually just a friend at the time; totally platonic), after that I seriously regretted it cause I had feelings for someone else. I hoped and prayed that the kiss would blow over and be forgotten when we both met up again and I suppose it did to a point but not in the way I thought. Yes, things are still...
June 2011
6 posts
Everyone has important dates; times that they can never forget. One of mine is June 16, 2011. That’s the day my entire world came crumbling down. I wish I could forget, or at least wake up from this dream but I can’t and it’s constant. It never fades; always lingering in the background. How do you fix someone who’s already severely broken? How do you put back the millions...
I’ve lost my voice. Now I have to find it again. I need to find a place where I can balance out the past and what I’ve gained in the present. This journey is gonna be hard and I might get more battle scars along the way, but this is what I need to do for me. I pray that God is with me, cause quite frankly, I can’t handle this on my own anymore.
I feel so miserable. Like I’m in a nightmare that just won’t end! I mean SERIOUSLY! Why do people make vows if they end up breaking them in the end. Is it really that impossible to stay true to your word? I am so fucking tired of this cheating bullshit! WTF! I don’t give a shit what your excuse is, if you’re in a relationship with someone and are having some kind of...
I realize that its been an incredibly long time since I’ve written anything but, as of now I’m still trying to figure some stuff out. Its all so overwhelming and stressful and I’m trying my best to keep my head above the water but I can’t help but feel like I’m slowly drowning. If it wasn’t for my friends and the amazing music that I take part of, I’m...
May 2011
1 post
I am so unhappy right now. I hate feeling like this but it feels like the whole world is against me. I just need a break, a chance, some peace. I need help, I need rest. I need someone to make me smile, someone to make me laugh. I’m so fucked right now its unbelievable. I’m over it all and just so frustrated. Seriously! Can’t anyone throw me a fucking bone!?! I’m staring to...
April 2011
7 posts
Lately I’ve been having a problem singing about love. I no longer believe in it, so how can I sing about it and actually mean it? When you sing, you’re suppose to do it with feeling and put your heart in every word and note. But what if you don’t believe in what you’re singing? Am I just suppose to fake it or half ass it? I know I won’t be able to write any songs so...
How do you keep a heart from breaking? It seems like there’s no solution for that. I no longer believer in Love. I no longer have faith in it. It’s all been a false, a lie that I now see. What’s the point? Why should I keep faith in it? Why should I wait for it if the only thing that kept me holding on no longer exists? It’s pointless, it’s useless. I’m over it,...
I’m not going to pretend I know what love is. And even though it scares me and I tend to push it away, I do believe in it. I know that true love exists, I’m just scared that it doesn’t last. If you would have asked me this a couple years ago I would have said yes without hesitation. But lately my parents have been acting weird, so distant from each other and I hear them fighting...
WTF. I am completely speechless. I just found out that the first guy that I was like in love with is married and has a baby. WTF! I’m not really sure how I feel about this. I mean, I’m not in love with him anymore but I do tend to linger on the memories. I wish I could feel really happy and overjoyed for him because his wife is really sweet but I don’t feel that. I think its the...
You never know who you’ll meet online or what conversation you’ll have with them. Every time I log onto my FB I just think I’m gonna chat with some friends, look at some pages or work on my own page. Tonight was a bit of a different story. You know how you get these friend requests and you’re not exactly sure who the person is, but they’re friends with your really...
March 2011
9 posts
I haven’t posted anything in a while but there really has not been much to say. I will say this though, recent turn of events have left me either really happy or slightly worried. Might continue this later but right now its late and I’m tired. So goodnight :).
“Everyone in our lives enters into it for a purpose. From the person who smiles...”
Heartbroken
Every time I come back to my home town, I end up feeling so sad. It’s foolish to think that things are not gonna change when you’re gone, but does that also have to mean that you are no longer “included”? For example, my best friend is getting married and even though I’m suppose to be in the wedding (as maid-of-honor), I don’t feel included. It feels like...
Boundaries
Does the way we grow up effect how we expect other to act? Manners and how people are suppose to act in their relationship are what have me so confused right now. I grew up in a very small, conservative, family-oriented town. So I can’t help but be annoyed when someone doesn’t have to manners to acknowledge or at least greet others when they come into a room. Then there’s how one...
Changes
One of the hardest things to do is to pick up the pieces and move on. A lot of people I know including myself as well, find themselves asking why they’re stuck? Why can’t they just move on? The answer is simple. It’s because you truly don’t want to. Knowing what you have to do and wanting to actually do it are two completely different things. We try to rationalize our...
“What you want is not always what’s best for you.”
– The very wise Karla Vargas
Just Me
I’ve been thinking a lot about who I was, who I am and who I want to be. At times, it’s hard to remember the small-town girl from Sanger wanting to find myself. She was strong. She stood firm on what she believed in and didn’t let anyone or anything change that. However, she didn’t know much about life aside from the little things she had personally experienced. Most of what...